Affirming yourself

Relationships work really well when you have a sense of who you are and your partner does too.

Self Esteem and Feeling great about who you are is  an important foundation to all relationships. The most important relationship of all, is the way you love yourself.


Partnerships with others:
A successful relationship is a mark of "Interdependence" you and your partner are Independent.
This means you are both responsible and accountable for yourself all by yourself and you enjoy a full and fruitful life separate from each other.

Interdependent means as Independent Individuals you have much to share and offer each other and together you agree to use your independence jointly to work toward relationship shared Accountability with the same attitude of Mastery that you enjoy in your own independent life. It takes a great understanding of personal Development to master this balance.


Dependency on others:
It can be often mistaken for Dependence which is not Personal Mastery if the level of a persons self worth is motivated away from Dependence as opposed to toward Independence.

Meta Programs:
This is an example of an Away from "Meta Program" which is an NLP, (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Term and will be discussed in Full here at a later date:

http://www.NLPisFun.com


Dependency Explained:
Dependence is separate from Independence and Interdependence because Dependence is a way of being that makes another person the driver of your own life, being dependent on another person Implies the presupposition that you are unable or unwilling to take control of your own destiny.

In other words you need _______/ permission /approval/ pardoning etc.. from a person or thing to do a process in your own life

An example of Emotional dependence can be a statement such as:
I  did like ____ but I  don't have enough money for ____ unless my partner will buy it for me, then I could get it.

I doubt if I will be able to make it to _______  unless my partner said I can go he/she says I have been out to much lately.

The language here is passive aggressive, it begins in a negative way and then passes the blame on to somebody else.

Some people may think they are being thoughtful about their relationship or their partner, the key to remember is when we create a frame of "Need" and "Blame" shift the responsibility to another person or thing.

The speaker gives away their Power, which eventually create secret feelings of resentment internally which are obvious to the listener.
The speaker keeps these feelings secret in a quest to be reasonable and undemanding and in fact ends up doing the exact opposite.

This is a dance that is born from pain, creates Pain and Dies a painful death.
It is a relationship with High highs and Low Lows and can be compared to that of a Drug addict and their patterns and cycles at the extreme level.

If you answer positively, choose and accept responsibility for your decision, that is independence, an example of this is below:

"I Like ____I'll wait a week or two and get it when I get paid".

"I will come with you to the next one, I have been out quite a bit lately and am looking forward to spending quality time with my partner tonight".

Co dependence is created from feelings of unworthiness within our self.
Perhaps this is left over from a string of unfulfilling relationships maybe even going all the way back into our Childhood.

These are patterns that have become manipulative and Passive aggressive behavior, it is usual for Co dependent people to choose a partner with similar behavior.

Signs of codependency are:
Wanting to be with a person 24/7
Getting anxious when your partner is away or hasn't called lately
Seeking permission and approval and frequently in your relationships
Putting the needs of others before yourself more often than not
Having a secret belief that you don't deserve ______
Becoming Angry and overly sensitive at inappropriate times
Having Temper and controlling behavior
Saying words like I Never get what I want it always has to be you
being passive aggressive
Needing feedback and approval constantly
Pretending to be unable to take care of yourself
letting others speak for you
Having another person control your life
giving away your power
doing too much for others
being a doormat
And so on ..


more on Passive aggressive behavior:
The strange thing about it is that a Passive aggressive person may not feel Codependent,  He/She may feel in control of the relationship sometimes, or she/he may feel the opposite like a victim. Their mood cycle which often swings from Violent outburst of pent up frustration to Meek and mild over pleaser.

Building Self esteem can be a challenge to begin with, it is like learning any new skill.
If you have seen some signs of yourself here, you can begin somewhere.

We will talk more about Co dependence and passive aggressive behavior at a later date.


Building your Self Esteem:
For now work on Feeling great about who you are, you are perfectly made even in your own imperfection.

I will leave you with this Poem written by the late Awesome family therapist and advocate Virginia Satir


I am me - Poem by Virginia Satir

 In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me Everything that comes out of me is authentically me


Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,


Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies, My dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all my triumphs and Successes, all my failures and mistakes, Because I own all of
Me.


I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I know There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other Aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles And for ways to find out more about me.


However I Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically Me, If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that Which I discarded.


I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of People and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and.......

I AM OKAY 


http://www.nisadacoaching.com