Happy Halloween will you see your Future Husband Tonight ?

Happy Halloween Everyone, OR SHOULD I say Old Hallow's Eve

When I was a little girl maybe 10 or something I lived in England and knew that on Old Hallows Eve it was a magical night for love spells and revelations.

So I wanted to introduce these Celtic Traditions to you as I am not sure if they are Traditions that are passed down in USA.

Seeing your Husband at Midnight

When Night falls sit on a chair in front of the mirror and light the room with only a candle just before midnight you will see the reflection of your future husband in the mirror and if you turn around you will miss him, he will depart and you will never ever see him again or marry him.

Your Husbands initials will be revealed

Get a Bowl of water and an apple and cut all the skin off the Apple while leaving the skin all in one piece.

Just before midnight drop the apple skin in the water by candle light and the initials of your husband will be revealed to you.

These are the two I remember there may be more it was such a long time ago, and I kind of think like all oral History bits get added and taken away over time.

If you have stories please share them as I will be interested in finding out other Traditions and bits.

I hope this gave you some fun ideas. If you are going out and about this evening be safe and make sure your kiddies are safe too.

If you cant think of anything to be here is a halloween Make up Tutorial from You Tube ... There are tons of them I love watching them.

Sex with the Lights out ...

You are a beautiful curvy women, you invest in fashion hair and make up. your body is strong, men constantly admire you, you are confident in your role as a professional women and yet !

You prefer to have sex with the lights out !

I am not speaking to anyone in particular rather to some women in general.

If this is you please continue to read.

Your Body and your Body Image are so important aspects of your communication.

When you feel a lack of confidence in this or any other area it shows up as an insecurity, and it is transmitted to your partner who I am guessing loves your body and wants to see it as often as possible.

What then are you unconsciously communicating to them:

I am not desirable

I do not love myself

I do not hold myself in high Esteem

I do not value my skin

I am unlovable just as I am

I do not deserve adoration

I am not Sexy

And so on ..

Is this really what you want to communicate with others and especially your mate who has chosen you, and you are reinforcing that you yourself do not feel this way about yourself.

How long will somebody continue adoring you when you don't find yourself sexy.

Work on it girls, learn self acceptance.

Walk around your house naked (obviously if you have kids or others living there - work something else out) be comfortable in your skin, learn to admire your body, look in the mirror naked each day and love your body.

You cannot love yourself and not love the carry casing of yourself.

You deserve to be loved and you deserve to love yourself.

http://www.nisadacoaching.com

Are you Dating your Ex ?

"My Boyfriend is Just Like my Ex" !

"My Girl friend doesn't appreciate me, why doesn't anyone want a "good man like me"!

I hear statements like this quite often.

Are you attracting a certain type of man or women as the ones you have previously broken up with ?

Does it feel exciting and exhilarating in the beginning as if you have finally found "The One" ?, only to discover later you are dating a better or worse version of your Ex ?

If the answer to this is Yes there are obviously lessons the Universe is trying to Teach you and perhaps you are not yet ready to learn.

On the other hand if you are Fed up enough, then you may find this post useful.

How we feel about ourselves has everything to do with the type of relationship we are bringing to ourselves.

What we find attractive if we were to have a list of priorities say's allot about our own values, what we find valuable in a Person and ultimately in our relationships.

From the very beginning when meeting a new person our Psyche can actually tell us if this is a good match or not.

Now if we are paying attention and want to heed this information is another matter.

Our Psyche, or our senses/Intuition if you like, are persistently advising us Tell tale signs of Familiar behavior in a person. You may even consciously identify that your new partner reminds you of _____ , what you choose do do with this information will determine your experience.

Let's say you choose to ignore the signs and instead focus on the oh so Happy Familiar feeling that remind you of the great things you enjoyed with your ex and you consciously decide to ignore the nagging irritations that warn you of a potentially painful future with this person.

So let's recap:

You choose a person who makes you feel a certain way, in your mind these feeling are pleasure and are a priority which leads you to ignore the signs of oncoming pain.

Let's look more in depth at your values.

When you meet a person you make your own assessment on what makes this person attractive to you.

When you have not fully learned a love lesson that it is high and dry time you should have learned, you experience the same relationship again Full Stop !

Well a caveat is that you may not decide to go through with it after a while or your will continue and all of this depends on where you are at in the lesson.

In many cases people can become disconnected to their authentic selves, to keep it simple we will use a word we are all familiar with ..... Denial!

Denial means you Deny your intuitive voice and the signs around you that you are in a potentially harmful situation that is not working and will eventually cause you pain.

In simple terms you are Denying yourself True Happiness that match your Authentic Values.

In case I have lost you, here are some signs you are in Denial:

Your Friends and or family tell you, your new partner is not up to par or show signs of not being overly pleased about your choice.

There are things about their behavior that you choose to publicly conceal

You may feel the need to highlight your new partners positive qualities to people who have met them and dislike them.

You find yourself making excuses for their behavior

You try to Control and Improve them in some way before bringing them around your loved ones.

You find yourself becoming irritated at almost everything they do and Confront them frequently.

You become obsessed with the renovation project of your new partner and forsake your self because of it.

You conversation begins with "If he / she was just _____"

or

"But He/she has so much potential"

You find yourself putting their needs before yours

And the list goes on ....

I think you have the idea.

This brings us smack back at another Phrase we are all familiar with .... I am going to say it .. Get Ready ...

Your own Self esteem !

Well I don't think you were really surprised, Do you ?

What you choose for yourself has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

For example:

You may actually fantasize about having a different type of partner and feel that "they are out of my reach"

And so you go for something much more accessible, Easy and Hip Hip hooray They really, really like you !

So How do you change your string of "Bad Luck" with Men/Women ?

Begin to feel differently about yourself, instead of Fixating on finding External love, learn to connect with the Real love of Finding yourself.

Invest all the time you would have spent developing somebody else to develop yourself.

Get to know yourself Intimately, begin a journal and discover new and amazing things about you, Take risks and Challenge yourself in situations you never would have before.

I dare you to go for something you don't think you could get .... and keep going until you get it.

When you know you deserve all of the wonderful things your heart desires you will have no fear in attaining them !

http://www.NisadaCoaching.com

When Love Hurts - Surviving a Breakup

You have argued and Cried and screamed and yelled and tried to change your partner and then the day finally arrives when you have had enough.

It is time to get your life back and say good bye and hello to your self esteem.

If this sounds like something you have experienced or may be experiencing right now be assured in time you will feel better.

You will smile again, laugh again, sing again, dance again and even love again.

Yes it is painful right now and nobody understands what you are feeling, you may be conflicted with the love you have shared verses the pain you have experienced and for this reason many hold on and don't let go continuing to endure the pain hoping for a better day while all the while loosing more and more of their self worth and self esteem.

You are hurt and angry and sad and perhaps even lonely maybe alone for the first time ever.

Resist the temptation to Badmouth your ex and continuing to go back and forth into Pain no matter who you think is to blame. Dwelling on this ultimately creates prolonged pain.

It is time to heal and be loving toward yourself.

Take a moment to Imagine yourself now in a different light the best you, the most amazing you, what do you look like, where are you and what are you doing ...

If you can have the courage to say NO to a relationship that wasn't working you can also have the courage to change other areas of your life too.

Focus on the feelings that arise when you are looking at your Best self, speak words of love and encouragement to yourself all the time.

It is a good idea to remind yourself of these feelings throughout the day create a few flash cards with healing and comforting words on them such as :

I am love

I am healing my soul right now

I have the courage to move forward

I admire the bravery in myself

I have the best intention toward myself and others

you may already have some in mind right now ..

It is not going to get any better if you moap around in your bathrobe for a week or even longer you have decided to take decisive action in your life to create a life that is harmonious, appealing and satisfying to you.

Dare to continue on ......

Go to the store and buy yourself a journal this will become your "What I want now" journal and will serve as a reminder as to where you are going from this day forward.

It is good to have a time of reflection, a time where you can be honest and non judgemental toward yourself or to others and begin the healing process.

It is important to soothe your soul that may feel conflicted and yearning for familiar agony because you are missing the relationship you have just ended.

Keep that pain in the past ... That yearning is an illusion, a simple result of you programming yourself to believe it was good, so you were able to ride out the pain within yourself in other words it is a habit..

Take a warm bubble bath treat yourself to something calming soothing and fragrant to put in your bath and light some candles and begin the process of loving you and believing in the life you were destined to live.

Reflect on the things you have learnt about yourself in this experience, note in your journal the ways in which you love to behave and note the ways in which you no longer wish to behave.

Make a note of being prepared for Warning signs when they show up, possible signs that alert you to a feeling of discomfort in some way. Decide from now on to support and trust your own intuition.

Make a plan to work on your own self acceptance, accepting who you are flaws and all and remember you are Perfect even in your own imperfection.

Remind yourself there was good and bad in that experience and there is no need now for blame or anger or sadness. It is just as it is, and appreciate all the finer qualities of your ex in your soul and make peace with it ...... and let it go and move on.

You are love and each day you have another opportunity to love yourself in a new and delightful way. Spend some time outlining new activities you have not dared to try before.

Take a risk and make this your mantra each new day take a risk in all areas of your life and learn what it is to develop your courage and become consistently brave.

Love shows up to people who truly love themselves and are healed of Anger, Resentment and Pain, the flip side of this is that unless you want to release these feelings completely you will not be love or attract lasting love into your life.

Take some Bonding time out to reconnect with the loving, appreciative person you are becoming do things that delight you and always make time for yourself.

Become excited about spending time with you ... Set up quality dates with wonderful you.

Keep your mind active and at times you sense you are repeating thoughts that cause you pain STOP immediately and choose love ... love of yourself, loving behavior , self love.

Give yourself a project which will keep your mind active and enhance and develop your new direction perhaps Salsa Dancing, Art, Cooking or Rollerblading you decide what you would like to do be adventurous and take a risk.

Have the courage to make the changes you need to make such as an individual bank account, address changes and so on do it Now !

Remember finally you are amazing and perfectly made in every which way you are beautiful inside and out and you know intuitively what is best for yourself allow your heart and mind to catch up with each other and connect through meditation and hypnosis.

You are Love.

http://www.nisadacoaching.com

What to do when it all goes Bad

All couples have disagreements and how you handle them as a couple will determine the quality of your relationship.

Consider you both are two different people with two different Personalities, Values, Beliefs, Upbringing, Opinions and Lives.

In due time these differences will become endearing or down right annoying and the challenge becomes learning to work together.

No one can be right all of the time, and harboring resentment from past disappointments will eventually only make things worse.

Consider your reasons for participating in the relationship in the first place, do you now still feel the same way.

Often Arguments are a rehash of an ongoing problem that is still a huge issue to the initiator of the argument and they have been unsuccessful in gaining a resolution to this issue.

Notice what you are arguing about, have you argued about this matter before, what was the outcome of the last argument is their an underlying issue which you have not yet either connected with or made clear.

Why were you unable to gain a solution the last time you argued about this ?

Has your partner seemingly ignored your request for a resolution ?

Do you feel backed into a corner ?

What does this make you feel like in simple language ?

Have you ever experienced this feeling before with somebody else ?

In a relationship arguing can be a way of communicating at a level you are used to and define as acceptable behavior.

Arguing is not acceptable behavior as it is designed to be destructive to effective communication.

When seeking resolution the most important overall issue is controlling your emotions and getting to a place within yourself of self love and acceptance.

Once you have reached a state of well being take a look at the presenting problem from the outside for example look at your relationship as if you were a passer by or bystander.

While maintaining a level of peace within yourself are you able to see where you are also accountable for the creating of this problem.

Peacefully accept how you have perhaps avoided or provoked a response to this problem - - it will only work if you are prepared to be honest with yourself.

Remember it takes Two to tango .....

With this new perspective what is the resolution you are seeking best and worst case scenarios.

What are you willing to compromise to gain the agreement.

What if any are the conditions of your compromise, for example if my partner agrees to give x I will let go of y.

Learn to seek a resolution based on your highest Intention ask your partner for their highest intention.

For example I don't want to you to drive my car anymore because you spilt milk shake in it last time and the time before that there was a scratch on the door.

Search for the highest intention to this argument

While your partner may say "Honey it was an accident, it is just a car and not worth fighting over" you may feel that your property was undervalued by your partner and you may be afraid she/he does not respect your property and ultimately you !

Do not assume anything ...

Pay attention to your emotional well being and remain centered and calm.

In every situation you will make choices and if you make the best choice for you without anger you will not regret it later no matter what you think at the time.

Refrain from easy low Targeted Blows which although may feel great at the time hurt both of you in the long run and are likely to be met with a reciprocal hurtful statement from your partner.

Do not say hasty words about parting while having an argument this is dangerous ground and even later forms a foundation of ill ease and lack of trust.

The most important thing of all is Listening if your partner is a screaming lunatic and you cannot get a word in edgeways Listen anyway at worst they will eventually run out of words to say at best they will feel they are getting the attention they are DEMANDING !

* Side note why would you want to be with this person who doesn't listen and always talks over you anyway ?

If you both feel unable to seek a resolution at the time both agree to disagree for now and one of you leave the house (if you live together) and go out to eat ice cream (or something that makes you feel great preferably not a bar) and hang out with a good friend or family that care about you.

*Side note your family and friends love you and will tell you your partner is a lousy pig to make you feel better - - consider carefully whet you tell them in case you regret it later.

Putting distance and Time between hurt lessens the blow, if you decide to split you may later forget why you argued in the first place especially if you are looking forward to make up sex, remember an unresolved problem only lies dormant....

You might Also Like

http://www.nlpisfun.com/2009/10/nlp-technique-agreement-frame.html

How Patient are you ?

Here is a picture of my Dog, she is a Cocker spaniel and I rescued her from the pound.

When I first Got her I realized I would need a great deal of Patience with her and so I called her this to remind myself.

I am not one of the worlds most Patient people I must admit and in my earlier days perhaps missed opportunities because of it, "It just took too long" I would have long since created something else and moved on.

This weekend boy, did I ever have an exercise in Patience when I couldn't get my domain to propagate on my new blog I moved my Blog from my domain company to Blogger and I mean it took Fooooooor Evvvvveeehhhaaa to populate on my new Blog.

I must say I am also a bit of a Critical Thinker as well so i was playing with it, researching stuff on the internet calling the company talking to people.

At one stage I was about to create something else just to eliminate the problem.

I kept checking on it every few minutes and becoming more frustrated and in the end I completely didn't believe it was ever going to come through with blogger.

It took 3 days to propagate!

The reason I am bringing this up is that I have met many of you who also lack patience, to the point that you will not try new things in order to avoid the "Holding period"

What do I mean by Holding Period ?

One of my most favorite quotes is Persistence over Resistance ... I have often found when trying something new for the first time there is often a learning curve.

A time when you are not sure where the heck your Domain has gone so to speak, a time of great character building and working blindly.

Let's face it who wouldn't want a sure thing, isn't that human nature ?

Sure .... Although at times going for the sure thing may mean getting something you really didn't want but grabbed as it was a sure thing !

When doing something new and different it is usual to experience an adjustment period, a period of uncertainty and fear wondering if this is the right experience for you a time when it would be so easy to quit and just cut your losses before you loose more or really feel the pain of uncertainty.

This is what I call the "Holding period" before going into a new experience one of the things I consider is the "Holding period"

Can I survive this

Can I recover if it all falls apart

What are the Payoffs

What are the potential Losses

Is it worth the Risk

Being impatient is one thing but not taking risks is another.

If being Impatient outweighs the desire for new challenges and Learnings I choose the later, and of course prequalify the "Holding Period'.

So Take a Risk and prequalify your "Holding period" and just enjoy the ride because if you quit now you may never know that even though you can't see it working itself out. It Is !

"They say That Time changes things .... But you actually have to Change them yourself" Andy Warhol

Are you Telling the truth in the Bedroom ?

Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.

Often couples fail to communicate effectively by hiding their true feelings and instead pretending they are ok with something when they are not.

This Later creates resentment which is Poison to your relationship, you are just as guilty when you hold on to these secrets.

How often have you not said what you want to say in your relationship for fear of being vulnerable or risking hurting you partners feelings.

If you want to have a Loving and honest relationship with another person it is mandatory for you to feel secure enough be able to speak your piece.

One of the key area's in which couples are not honest is in the bedroom.

Some women are not being honest with their men about their own sexual satisfaction during lovemaking, this leads the man to believe that everything is going perfectly and later conflict can arise when a women does not feel satisfied in other areas of the relationship.

From a mans point of view he always wants to know that his women is happy and satisfied with him and it is in his hardwiring to want to "fix everything"

Perhaps you just want your partner to listen and care about how you feel, if so lovingly say that you just want him or her to Listen for the time being and not try to Fix it by themselves.

Think about your partners feelings and considerations, are you focusing too much on something outside of your relationship, if so this can be damaging. A smart man will understand taking care of everything inside the home first and your partners happiness is paramount to an enjoyable life.

Don't get stressed out, have you noticed when you are thinking too hard on a problem you are not giving it a chance to naturally take its course ?

Get your focus just right, begin to focus your attention on your partner during lovemaking and look for signs of enjoyment and a shared experience instead of your sole satisfaction.

Many a couple have enjoyed elevated and shared satisfaction when they open their hearts to the possibility of improving their love life and risk temporary feelings of vulnerability.

Take a moment to consider now if you have been honest in your own relationship, are you telling the truth in the bedroom ?

Ask yourself now, for what purpose am I not speaking my truth ?
Do you have old stale beliefs about sex and love that you may have inherited over the course of time ?
Do you secretly believe sex is dirty and women should not enjoy the experience ?
Do you believe Sex is a duty you perform to keep your partner happy ?
Are to trying not to rock the boat ?
Do you trust that your partner has your best interest at heart ?

For whatever reason you are keeping quite and "Faking it" realize you have not given your partner the opportunity to Satisfy your needs.

If you consider yourself deserving of Love and all the great experiences that come with it then begin to establish honesty in your communication.

Communicate lovingly on area's that may feel difficult and reassure your partner of the great things they do that you fully enjoy.

Invite your partner to be equally honest with you and lovingly communicate with you in areas that they are not fully satisfied.
Work on resolving these issues together and keep the communication going.

Your relationship always has a chance to improve as long as the doors of communication swing both ways with respect and love.

Trust that you will be able to get to a better place together and that your partner cares enough about you to work with you in resolving any and all issues.

Work on your own self love and acceptance this will make you more desirable and also affect your confidence in all areas of your life and especially your relationship.

"No person is your friend who demands your silence and denies your right to grow" Alice Walker.

http://www.nisadacoaching.com

TGIF - Time to Unwind

So, Thank Goodness it's Friday,

I hear this all the time when we get to the end of the week, it is almost as if many of us are solely Living for the weekend and Drudge through a weekly grind.

Although it may sound optimistic (to some) to say each day is a great day, this is my sentiment exactly.

Of course during the week we may feel more stretched and have endless Challenging deadlines and Juggling to accomplish our goals IMO these are the nuggets that help us define our character.

It is a simple reframe: instead of saying OMG it is Monday back to work today, why not think Wow this could very well be the week I get really good at My new management system which in the past I have been overwhelmed with.

Until now you may have believed the weekend to be a time of Non Stop Party or Relaxation, and the week to be a time of Hustle and Grind.

Our Beliefs of course influence our feelings and ultimately our actions, I have found it interesting to apply a paradigm shift to situations that feel uncomfortable and overwhelming. In doing so I have on several occasions discovered that my perceptions of an event or possibly person have been influenced by my own opinions or past experiences and I have somehow without thinking it through clustered the lot together and accepted it as my reality.

On challenging reality by looking outside of the situation and becoming less engaged first hand, it has often led me to a sense of clarity and objectivity which has helped me provide alternative ways to perceive and prepare for the challenge ahead.

This weekend why not take a moment out to reflect on what this may mean if anything to you.

exercise:

What if you were to switch your "programming" around ? for example the weekend is a time of High Pressure and deadlines and the week is a time of Non stop partying and Relaxation.

Observe how this affects your feelings if at all, notice everything about it.

Now switch your "programming" around again making everything back to real time, do you notice a sense of relief that it is the weekend, have you noticed it lessening at all ?

Journal your observations and discover your own meanings, you may be inspired to think differently after realizing your mind and how you think has everything to do with your daily happiness.

What if this weekend you were to notice, how many people seem to have the same conditioning "programing" It may lead to new thoughts in other area's of your life that you may find interesting.

Have a great weekend.


Nisada Coaching Website

Daily Grattitude

Today I am Grateful for ...

One of the things I believe to help me maintain my focus is Gratitude.

I began Practicing Gratitude several years ago after watching Oprah discuss it on one of her shows.

At the time I did not much feel like being grateful, I remember I was going through a rough patch that I lacked conviction I would get through, in spite of this I bought a Grattitude Journal and began to think of the things I could indeed be grateful for.

My List probably looked like this

Today I am Grateful for Breath

Today I am grateful for Health

Today I am grateful for my home

Today I am grateful for my son

Today I am grateful to be alive

Today I am grateful to live in America

Today I am grateful for all I have survived

Today I am grateful for the bills which are paid

Today I am grateful for my faith in God

Today I am grateful for my sanity

A pretty basic List I must agree, although the most important idea was to think of 10 things each day that I was grateful for.

In time my lists began to change and my Humility and understanding in all challenges and life lessons grew.

Perhaps you might like to try a gratitude Journal today and make it a part of your own daily ritual.

If you cannot do anything else for yourself to feel centered each day you can find the time to do this.

I most enjoy my Gratitude journal when I read back all the things I have overcome and really begin to notice how far I have come.

It is surprising what happens when you keep moving one foot in front of the other.

Perhaps tonight you will run a lovely Bubble bath and light a scented candle and take a moment to reflect on the 10 things you are grateful for.

It all begins with One thing ... Take your time and focus on gratitude today.

More about Oprah

The Trouble with Relationships

The Trouble with Relationships is that they never stay the same, they are either improving or getting much worse.

Also they require ongoing effort from all parties.

"Trying" to maintain a relationship all by yourself usually meets with a great deal of frustration as one eventually realizes this is an impossible task.

Sometimes people may notice they are doing most of if not all of the work in the relationship to keep the "Spark" alive and if no spark is left keep the miserable remains together.

Being an appealing Partner means that you understand love and respect yourself with that being said it stands to reason that you would at times put yourself first too.

Working on your own personal image is paramount to the success of a loving relationship, After all if you don't love you and find yourself sexy, Intelligent and appealing it will be transmitted to your partner through your own lack of self esteem.

Take Time out to maintain your own mental, Physical and Spiritual Well being.

It is very important to celebrate and maintain your differences as well as things you have in common with each other.

One person can not steer or control the relationship, by themselves ... It is a one way ticket to serious frustration and burnout.

If you suddenly find yourself doing more than is reasonably fair to keep your relationship alive with little or no effort from your partner, you may want to ask yourself:

What is the Payoff for me staying in this relationship ?

Do I believe at some Level I deserve this type of Relationship ?

Do I believe at some level I am unlovable ?

Begin to Journal and notice how you are feeling about yourself and what direction you would now like to take with this new information.

Remember it is never too late to start over.

Checkout Pink Elephant TV

Quick update to let you know the new Blog Pink Elephant TV has now gone live, you can find Features articles and discussions of relationships on my other Blog http://www.pinkelephanttv.com

Welcome to The New Blog

Hello Dear Friends,

I have decided to change the Layout of my Blog.
This Blog will cover Random musings and Thoughts regarding my personal opinions and musings on a variety of levels.

Naturally we will have a theme of Personal Development threaded throughout this Blog and will also feature things of interest to me that I would like to share with you all.

Stay Tuned it will be an interesting ride ;))

This Video is designed to help you to focus on where you are at right now and feel great about yourself before embarking on a new relationship or dating endeavor. Here is a List of the 10 ways to get comfortable with yourself before Dating. 1. Consider what you want from the relationship. 2. Know what your boundaries are. 3. What would be a deal breaker. 4. Plan your Exit - how you will handle yourself. 5. Feel Good about yourself. 6. Develop New Area's of your Personality. 7. Focus on your Likes. 8. Expect a Positive reaction. 9. Feel Confident in who you are. 10. Enjoy the Adventure.

True Love or a Booty Call ?

In this Clip I present the Question do you believe in True love or will you be happy with a booty Call. I decided to make this video after seeing many different opinions on Dating and "Easy Love" from many different Blog posts and forums on the internet. My concern was that we have become Jaded with Relationships and have settled for less than we originally wanted or even deserved. Enjoy, your comments are welcome.

Welcome to Pink Elephant TV

Hi and Welcome,

I have made a quick Video to explain why I have started this Blog please take a moment to take a look.