It is a Brand New Day

I have Two Cockatiels which are very Social Birds and I have had them now for about Three Years. Their names are Tikka and Masala.

The wonderful thing about these Birds is that they are very energetic they love to communicate and will talk to me and wait for me to respond back to them too.

I have also hypnotized these birds before as I believe that animals respond very well to all forms of communication including non Verbal.

Since Verbal communication is their first choice I communicate with them in this way when hypnotizing them and also include non verbal markers.

My Dog (Patience) on the other hand is usually Non Verbal and so I can hypnotize her equally well with just non verbal communication. One thing that I find most interesting about these birds for example is that even though they have moods as any other animal does they are very in tune to their environment and the family.

The first thing these birds do when the sun comes up in the morning is sing and salute the new day, this is when they are their most happy and their most active.

I find this inspiring, they are so happy and grateful for another day that I liken it to Praise, they give their gratitude in the Morning for a Brand New Day and another chance to be thankful for breath.

It is also something they like to share with me too, they like us to celebrate this time together and will call me until I come and worship the new day with them.

On this New Years Eve have you given thanks yet for this day ?
How will you celebrate today and this evening ?
Can you feel the new energy of the changing Year ?
What will you do differently if anything in 2010 ?

I thank you all for continuing to read and subscribe to my Random musing and I appreciate each and every one of you.

In Love and light best wishes for the brand New Year, be prosperous Happy and Healthy.

Happy New Year x

Nisada Coaching

Confessions of an Illusionist

So Here it is the End of Another Year and we are on the Cusp of beginning something different another fresh start.

A friend of mine just broke up with her partner she thought he was the love of her life when she first met him and it appeared that way to everyone else too.

There were things that just didn't add up which became more and more irritating as time went along she said.

Sometimes we just get so interested in the illusion of appearing as a happy Couple, we forget how important happiness Truly is.

I guess she just wanted to start her New Year Right, That's what I love about the New year. Brand new energy a "Fresh Start" not a time to make a Never ending List of stuff no one will remember by February But  a chance to move ourselves Forward. To get a Head start and with the momentum and energy of the new Year and all the well wishers moving forward with us.

Happy New Year x


Nisada Coaching

The 40 Best Plus Size Fashion Blogs

I stumbled on this List about a week ago and since then have really enjoyed reading it.
These Girls are Plus sized Fashionistas and get 10/10 for providing all the resources they do.

They Blog about Great Body Image, Self Esteem, Musings about How they feel from Day to day, they Feature Looks they Put together and Great finds and Places to Shop from Thrift stores to Dorothy Perkins.

A couple of my favourites are:

Next  which are Delivering to the USA in 2010 finally
New Look which are also Delivering to USA and worldwide

I really Love the way these Girls are stepping up to the plate and redefining themselves as Beautiful young and Talented Bloggers many of them gaining international Media Recognition.


Enjoy here is the Link 

December Top 5 favourite Things

I have decided to add this section for fun, as Feeling Fabulous for absolutely no reason at all is essential to Kindle the Human Spirit.

These are some of My most enjoyed things this Month.


1. Revlon Nail Polish -  Craving Coral.

This polish can be found in most Drugstores and is usually cheaper at Walmart.
Revlon Polishes usually have a very good formation and currently I own about 10 of them.
They feature very Cutting edge colours and usually retail for less than $5.00.
They are available worldwide so check your local Drugstore.

This colour is extremely rich and with one Coat Pops, with 2 Coats looks fantastic. It is has a very slim brush which contributes to its easy application process.

Ferrero Rocher - Share the magic
Christmas in my opinion just wouldn't be Christmas without this chocolate, it is usually the one time of year when I can get through a full box of these luscious Chocolates and usually Buy them for all the girls I know too.
They are Hazelnut based covered in wonderfully decadent chocolate and once you have had one will find yourself wanting another.

3. Uggs -  Most comfortable Boots Ever Invented.

Men Hate em Women Love em, whatever your opinion of them may be if you try them on you may understand why women refuse to take them off.

They are like walking around in the most comfortable slippers ever and there are some companies that charge less and make a similar product I recently Bought these from Sketchers (for around a third of the price) and was pleasantly surprised at the soft cosiness.

4. Purple New Castle Boots from Chinese Laundry.

I bought these boots in October from Zappos and I bought a Black and a Purple pair, while I got loads of compliments on the black pair as well these remain my favourites. They just have that little pop of colour that brightens up any outfit and best of all they are Flats.

They got really great reviews on the site the purple is very, very plush which you cannot see here but Take my word for it.

5. Cetaphil  - Moisturizing Cream

I recently became a Cetaphil fan as a ongoing make up wearer it is important to have a great Skin cleansing routine so I started using the Cleansing cream and the moisturizer.

All the products in this range are fantastic they are gentle and extremely effective and the moisturizer can be used all over your body which suits me as I like to use gentle products on my skin.

It can be found in most drugstores worldwide.

I hope you have enjoyed this December Favourites List, I welcome your comments and also your Lists too.

Random Musings of Nadia Harper

Some of my Favourite Things

This Time of Year I am reminded that if ever there were a time to indulge it is now.

One of my most favourite indulgences is Chocolate, I find the magical powers of Chocolate can be Soothing, Stimulating, Sensual and so much more.

One lady I greatly admire allows us our indulgence and even joins in with us letting people know worldwide it is ok to have a bit of indulgence it does you the world of good and can be quite Liberating.
Photography by Graeme Weatherston

Of whom do I speak, none other than the amazing and Sultry Nigella Lawson ...



I love the way she includes her passion for the things she obviously really enjoys.
I am a fan of her work as she is able to make her cooking shows, interesting, quick and informative.
Many have made parody of her Passion and Men have commented on her being a Lady Women love to hate ...

In any case here is one of her more amusing parodies .. Enjoy !



What do you feel passionately about ?
Enjoy your Holiday I will speak with you soon.
Pinkelephanttv

10 Great Relationship Movies To Enjoy before New Year

Hi Everyone,

Merry Christmas, I hope Father Christmas was kind to you and Rewarded you for being Nice.
Now that we have enjoyed Xmas Day and Boxing day (for those of us who celebrate it) I find that this time of year is a great time to kick back, Relax and watch a Feel Great Movie.

Have you ever watched a movie and got so engrossed in it you ended up having a good cry ?

There are times when I enjoy a Good movie as a way of reflecting, connecting to emotions and revising my values and making new commitments.

Photography by Tina Phillips

Here is 10 My Feel Great Movie list in Descending order.

10. He's Just Not that into you
9.  Confessions of a Shopaholic
8.  In Her Shoes
7.  Monster in Law
6. How Stella Got her Groove Back
5. Bridget Jones Diary
4. Breakfast at Tiffanies
3. Sex in the City The Movie
2. Rocky
1. The Pursuit of Happiness

If you get through that list and still want more the all time bonus series IMHO is Harry Potter. Our Family watch it just about every Xmas if you watch all 4 "years" you may be surprised at how much you really get into the fantasy of it.

Powerful Strong Sexy and Confident

Photo by Suat Eman

Women are Powerful: Business Owners, Leaders, Mentors, Role Models, Superstars, Billionaires, Executives, Professors, Doctors, Scientists, Speakers, Coaches Mothers, Architects, Mathematicians Wives, Trainers, Girlfriends, Designers, Entertainers, Investors, Sisters, Award winners and more....

With more hats to wear than a "Hot model on a Runway" and most excellent at multi tasking.
Why is it then that some Women still find themselves becoming lost in their love Relationships.

With all the Victories women Gain in the workplace, Politics and Enterprise why are women questioning their power in Relationships.

In spite of any women's perceived insecurities within herself, there are always several men who want to be with her and will worship her.

Do you find yourself Being Needy, Aggressive, Argumentative  and generally loosing your power with men in your relationships, are you afraid to appear vulnerable ?

What really is the worst that could happen, do you seriously believe as strong as you are, you will not recover ?

The Value men put on you is the value you put on yourself. If you decide to be with a man who does not appreciate the Amazing Powerful Sexy Women you are then what Value have you placed on yourself.

Is there any reason ever to settle for a relationship that does not meet your needs, when you are the Goddess that you are.

Why waste all your time worrying about the size of your Hips, Bum, Boobs, Nose you fill in the blanks when you can appreciate the unique beauty that you are.

You can learn to love yourself to such a degree that any man will believe it too, just because you do.

Consider this, if you do not love yourself unconditionally how can you be sad or disappointed if another person will not either.

If you make yourself available at the drop of a hat, why would anyone go out of their way to do extraordinary and romantic gestures to get your attention.

Do you have any idea of what you truly want in a relationship and the values that are important to you, or will anything do.

Why on earth would you hold on to a relationship that makes you unhappy for, when you could be free to meet other lovely Gentle men.

Do you believe that there is such scarcity with men of any Culture or ethnic group of your preference that no one is left for you, are your choices limited, are they all Gay, Married, Cheaters or live with their mothers .... Do you really believe that is true.

And if, just if ... This were true,  why wouldn't you get one of the "few" that are suitable and available.
Don't you deserve and Insist on what is best for you ?

So what if it hasn't worked out in the past, can you think of anything else in your life ever that didn't work out the first few times you "Tried".

And aren't you growing, evolving, Changing, Improving every single day ? What makes you think that Men are not ?

What about focussing on just how amazing and delightful you are as a complete package, spending time working on your things and putting yourself first and being open to explore any possibilities that may interest you.

Women, Value yourselves and teach your young ladies to do the same.

Yes Shoes can be beautiful and so are you, why not buy into yourself, you are powerful ... if only you understood your own Power, you are Sexy and you are Strong and your confidence will come as soon as you develop it.

You have overcome and Learned what is best, choose something new this time, believe and trust yourself.

It is ok to be loved and Love, in fact it is wonderful and you deserve the experience.

Just for today Women bask in your power and know that you are a Goddess.

Empowerment- Relationships- Communication Coaching 

Going Over The Wall

Photo Courtesy of 

Virginia Satir
The Great Family Therapist Virginia Satir Said (paraphrase) "People often create a wall around them selves" trapping them inside like an "Emotional jail".


Being stuck in the wall or Boxes of our own imagination
Once inside this wall it can be quite difficult to see over or past the wall to all of the possibilities, that really are available to anyone person.


Describing the wall as you may perceive it
Have you ever felt feelings of unworthiness, doubt, Insecurity, feelings of not being good enough or deserving even the most seemingly normal of things or circumstances ?.
Many people I have questioned about this in the past have been able to describe the wall, What it looks like, the pressure they can feel energetically, where the feeling originates in their own body and more..


How do we get this wall or feelings of being stuck ?
These perceptions normally originate from our childhood and grow with us, we are often able to ignore these feelings when we substitute distractions instead of Experiencing our "Core feelings" some may call this "Ego" or even "Alter Ego" and we can mold it into the shape that we perceive makes us more desirable, acceptable, likable and so on.

Distractions can be People, Work, things, Lifestyle, Money, Sex, Drugs alcohol etc really anything that allows you not to fully experience the pain inside.


Jail Breakout - attempting to escape the wall
In many cases we attempt to find relief in External sources which we believe hold the key to our own happiness.
We try our hardest at times to gain the attention and approval of others believing they will free us from this self imposed Jail.
We will not experience freedom until we allow ourselves to become accepting of our own internal selves. we hold all the keys for our own existence.


Fumbling with our Keys to open the locks
In many cases we are so used to our prisons that even when we have the keys in our hot little hands we have a few false starts to begin with.
Consider all we have believed until this point has become dependable, familiar, all knowing, a comfort of sorts. Is that so hard to believe, even though it held no promise, we knew where we stood with it and what to expect.
Changing beliefs and our ideas and cultural values can be a huge daunting upheaval we can expect to experience many false starts along the way.

The Beauty of the process
The Journey is the journey, the absolute beauty of the process is becoming excellent at the process and all the wonderful things we discover about ourselves along the way.
Each step forward takes us to a new place of magnificence that we would never have seen unless we continued moving forward.
We begin to notice other possibilities other interests other things that make us curious. We begin to expand our experience and how we ultimately perceive the world around us.


With each experience we become more experienced
By experiencing new things we become more experienced in how we solve problems and gain solutions, our mind get's in the habit of finding solutions and focusing on our intentions.

Our Unconscious mind finds solutions
The more our mind is used to being active in this way it becomes a more dependable organ for us, every single time our mind finds viable solutions, new pathways are created causing less problem time and faster solution time, allowing you to move forward on to other achievements.


The first step is often the hardest
Finding the courage just to begin stands between you, your wall and your possibilities. If you were to just explore the probability that you could, you are on your way.
Notice your feelings, begin to write them down and decide what you will do next. Slowly and surely is better that never ever.

"Choose Life without limitations"


Nisada Coaching 

Assumptions of monogamy ?

You are beginning a new relationship with your perfect partner. In your newly found Bliss it can be easy to assume aspects of your relationship which have not yet been discussed.

When is it ok to ask these types of questions ?

There is no such thing as a perfect time, other than playing it by ear the rule of Thumb is that Women are often looking for these kind of assurances way before a man is.

Check first to get a realistic feel of the way the relationship has been going.

What am I really asking for ?

Ask yourself, am I hinting at a question I am not actually asking outright, remember in a relationship nobody knows you better that you, no matter what your heart is telling you.

Do not Mind read or assume anything ?

Do you really know enough about this person to make a qualified decision about what what they are thinking or feeling and who they are as a person

What's the Big Hurry anyway ?

Are you Trying to Snag him before anyone else does, what does that say about you, are you sure you wouldn't  like to size up the competition first .

With all the best intentions possible, a relationship that moves quickly to begin with 9 Times out of 10 ends quickly too.

Why waste time dating when you could just settle down right now ?

Dating is a time of exploration, enchantment and self discovery, it is a time to get to know more about a person in a relaxed and enjoyable way. I am guessing while dating you both are on your best behavior so  if nasty habits are popping up already Trust me these are red flags!

When you miss out on this time of romantic flirtation and head straight for a relationship, it is sending a message of "Take me off the market I am desperate" to your pursuer which eliminates the need for any chase, usually ending any build up to fairy tale romance as he wins your heart.

I want a fairy tale wedding

Get to know more about him first. Just because you want the wedding, The Jewelry, The Party, The Holiday and the dress and all your friends and family to know you are hitched after that you have the rest of your lives. Build up toward becoming exclusive, see what else is out there.

Treat it like a Career Life Choice

Hey there are always other options out there, just because you are dating one person does not mean you cannot date others too. Be clear in your communication, state your intentions, who knows your partner may still be doing this anyway.

Are we in a committed relationship ?

When you feel ready to make the move to commitment talk about it ask your partner, find out what you both are agreed on and each persons commitment levels to clear up any confusion later.

Is the Relationship Monogamous ?

Believe it or not this question can be over looked and an understanding of the rules of any relationship can at times be unclear, Commitment does not always mean exclusivity.

Why the rules lets just see what happens ?

That can be easy to say, as you may not want to rock the boat  or appear demanding and needy.

Find a way to use open dialogue in your relationship communication right from the start, and encourage your partner to the same.

If your pursuer / partner is greeted with disagreement every time they share a differing opinion the communication channels will shut down eventually.

Listen and be open minded.

I want to talk to my girlfriends who understand me better

If your girlfriends understand you better I am guessing your relationship is not a happy loving friendship. You deserve a relationship based on a great mutual respect and friendship. Everything becomes better with this kind of foundation.

If your partner is not interested in working things out with you consider why you have chosen this for yourself.

When you find out your date is not monogamous and somebody else is sleeping in your bed

If at the beginning of your relationship you have qualified that this person is single and interested in pursuing you and you alone and they arranged with you to be monogamous.

If you later find out it was all a sham and while you were being faithful they were having other partners you have the right to be upset and probably want to understand why you have been deceived.

On the other hand if you had no such agreement, and find out he had a last fling with a girl from Hooters again you will have to seize up the relationship and decide what is best for you.

When you continue a relationship after an indiscretion 

Moving on and staying in a relationship is a decision you may choose to make, it will require an ongoing commitment from both of you to be loving and kind while working through the pain of the perceived betrayal.

There will be work to do on both sides of the relationship and honesty is a key area, your objective is to reinforce trust and a loving respectful relationship.

Seek a professional for more advice of Couple Coaching and Counseling.

Photo Courtesey of

Nisada Coaching Site

Affirming yourself

Relationships work really well when you have a sense of who you are and your partner does too.

Self Esteem and Feeling great about who you are is  an important foundation to all relationships. The most important relationship of all, is the way you love yourself.


Partnerships with others:
A successful relationship is a mark of "Interdependence" you and your partner are Independent.
This means you are both responsible and accountable for yourself all by yourself and you enjoy a full and fruitful life separate from each other.

Interdependent means as Independent Individuals you have much to share and offer each other and together you agree to use your independence jointly to work toward relationship shared Accountability with the same attitude of Mastery that you enjoy in your own independent life. It takes a great understanding of personal Development to master this balance.


Dependency on others:
It can be often mistaken for Dependence which is not Personal Mastery if the level of a persons self worth is motivated away from Dependence as opposed to toward Independence.

Meta Programs:
This is an example of an Away from "Meta Program" which is an NLP, (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Term and will be discussed in Full here at a later date:

http://www.NLPisFun.com


Dependency Explained:
Dependence is separate from Independence and Interdependence because Dependence is a way of being that makes another person the driver of your own life, being dependent on another person Implies the presupposition that you are unable or unwilling to take control of your own destiny.

In other words you need _______/ permission /approval/ pardoning etc.. from a person or thing to do a process in your own life

An example of Emotional dependence can be a statement such as:
I  did like ____ but I  don't have enough money for ____ unless my partner will buy it for me, then I could get it.

I doubt if I will be able to make it to _______  unless my partner said I can go he/she says I have been out to much lately.

The language here is passive aggressive, it begins in a negative way and then passes the blame on to somebody else.

Some people may think they are being thoughtful about their relationship or their partner, the key to remember is when we create a frame of "Need" and "Blame" shift the responsibility to another person or thing.

The speaker gives away their Power, which eventually create secret feelings of resentment internally which are obvious to the listener.
The speaker keeps these feelings secret in a quest to be reasonable and undemanding and in fact ends up doing the exact opposite.

This is a dance that is born from pain, creates Pain and Dies a painful death.
It is a relationship with High highs and Low Lows and can be compared to that of a Drug addict and their patterns and cycles at the extreme level.

If you answer positively, choose and accept responsibility for your decision, that is independence, an example of this is below:

"I Like ____I'll wait a week or two and get it when I get paid".

"I will come with you to the next one, I have been out quite a bit lately and am looking forward to spending quality time with my partner tonight".

Co dependence is created from feelings of unworthiness within our self.
Perhaps this is left over from a string of unfulfilling relationships maybe even going all the way back into our Childhood.

These are patterns that have become manipulative and Passive aggressive behavior, it is usual for Co dependent people to choose a partner with similar behavior.

Signs of codependency are:
Wanting to be with a person 24/7
Getting anxious when your partner is away or hasn't called lately
Seeking permission and approval and frequently in your relationships
Putting the needs of others before yourself more often than not
Having a secret belief that you don't deserve ______
Becoming Angry and overly sensitive at inappropriate times
Having Temper and controlling behavior
Saying words like I Never get what I want it always has to be you
being passive aggressive
Needing feedback and approval constantly
Pretending to be unable to take care of yourself
letting others speak for you
Having another person control your life
giving away your power
doing too much for others
being a doormat
And so on ..


more on Passive aggressive behavior:
The strange thing about it is that a Passive aggressive person may not feel Codependent,  He/She may feel in control of the relationship sometimes, or she/he may feel the opposite like a victim. Their mood cycle which often swings from Violent outburst of pent up frustration to Meek and mild over pleaser.

Building Self esteem can be a challenge to begin with, it is like learning any new skill.
If you have seen some signs of yourself here, you can begin somewhere.

We will talk more about Co dependence and passive aggressive behavior at a later date.


Building your Self Esteem:
For now work on Feeling great about who you are, you are perfectly made even in your own imperfection.

I will leave you with this Poem written by the late Awesome family therapist and advocate Virginia Satir


I am me - Poem by Virginia Satir

 In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me Everything that comes out of me is authentically me


Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,


Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies, My dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all my triumphs and Successes, all my failures and mistakes, Because I own all of
Me.


I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I know There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other Aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles And for ways to find out more about me.


However I Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically Me, If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that Which I discarded.


I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of People and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and.......

I AM OKAY 


http://www.nisadacoaching.com